THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

Kshama is Sathyam (Truth)
Kshama is Dharmam (Righteousness),
Kshama is Ahimsa (Non-injury),
Kshama is Yajna (Sacrifice),
Kshama is Santhosha (Pleasure),
Kshama is Daya (Compassion),
Kshama is everything in the world

                 (Poem)

What is ‘Forgiveness’? The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into "to let go", which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the process of releasing the negative feelings given to us by another (perceived or otherwise). Next to love, forgiveness is perhaps the most misunderstood term in the human language.  It stands out against other options as retaliation, punishment and resentment, the last option being the resort of the victim who feels helpless in addressing the wrong in a manner desirable to him or her.

Every action breeds a reaction. When we have a conflict with someone, we feel anger and hatred, our minds become very narrow, our hearts close and our negative feelings only escalate. We feel insulted, unfairly judged, belittled or demeaned and that the treatment received by us was totally unjust and undeserved. Maybe our most dearly held views of ourselves have been challenged.

This feeling is soon replaced or joined by anger, often thinly disguised as indignation. Anger demands action, or at the very least, some form of explanation that had better be acceptable to us. So instinctively, we react to the situation with thoughts of retaliation. If we are rash or impulsive, we rush headlong into this line of action, often with regrettable outcome. Our inner light becomes obscured in a vicious cycle of negativity.

Just as instinctively, we may wish to see the wrongdoer punished, by us or by any surrogate system. Initially, we want them punished severely. Again, if we are hasty, we end up overreacting, usually with lamentable consequences in the long run, though for the time being we may get ample satisfaction.

The greatest obstacle in our life is the negative ego, which blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We hold within us grudges, bitterness and resentment, which later manifest in stress, ulcers and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or to find PEACE.

Recognising that we cannot control everyone or everything in our life may create an unpleasant feeling, but realising that there is no self to be in control can result in a feeling of equanimity.

LETTING GO

Forgiveness is not an easy thing for a lot of us.  Many of us tend to associate forgiveness with allowing another to “get away with” whatever it is that he or she has done. If someone has done us harm, they will be accountable for their actions with or without our anguish. Baba reminds us that forgiveness is the supreme virtue in the world and we must learn to forgive and forget in order to be at peace. This however, cannot be learned from textbooks; nor can it be acquired either from preceptors or from any one else. It has to be cultivated by oneself in times of difficulties by practicing love and tolerance; and remembering that we are embodiments of strength and not weakness.

So how can we cultivate equanimity? How can we ‘let go’ under such circumstances?

Baba advises us in the first instance to,  "take a deep breath" (or several), "count to fourteen," or ” have a glass of cold water”. This will help us to regain some of our composure and allow the rational mind to assess the situation more "objectively."

Dissect your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain new perspective. Write them down in a spiritual diary/journal to gain clarity. Negative feelings evaporate whenever they are analysed calmly, honestly and are dealt with responsibly

When you do not accept the insult some one casts on you, it goes back to the person who indulged in it first; a registered letter that is not accepted returns to the sender. Do not damage your mental peace by receiving the letter and reading the contents. Refuse to receive it.

Remember always that it is easy to do what is pleasant, but it is difficult to be engaged in what is beneficial. Smother the fiery fumes of desire, hatred and anger that rise up in your hearts. It is sheer cowardice to yield to the enemies that turn you into beasts.

Purify the heart by being good and kind to all. Do not attempt to find fault with others. Look upon all with love, with respect, with faith in their sincerity.

Do not entertain hatred or contempt in your heart. Show your resentment if you must, through words, not action. Repent for the errors that you commit and decide never to repeat them. Pray for the strength to carry out your resolutions.

To have a compassionate heart is the attribute of human nature. It is giving and forgiving. It is not at all keen on getting anything

Do not unto another what you do not like to be done to yourself. For another is really "you". Even if another uses foul language against you, remain calm and sweet; say, "Oh, I am so surprised that my behaviour has given you that impression." Smile in return, do not take it heart; remind yourself that even Swami is not free from these peculiar beings who revel in falsehoods. Smile and be calm. That is a sign of your meditation is progressing fast.

Learn the value of silence, of Namasmarana, of Bhajan, of Japa, of Dhyana, of single-minded remembrance of the Lord, of the association with spiritually kin. These will stand you in good stead, when distress assails you.

Make every effort to recognise the divinity in everyone. Forget all the harm done to you by others, and help you had done to others. Then you will have peace in your heart. If someone has done harm to you, do not be revengeful.. Hurting others amounts to hurting your own self. Fill every moment with sacred thoughts, with pure feelings and pure actions. We should get rid of any bad thoughts and replace them with good thoughts.

A mind possessing the quality of equanimity experiences every object of consciousness without attachment or aversion. It develops naturally as we proceed with our practice of meditation and continue to observe things as they are.

UNCONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS

Unconditional forgiveness does not require the wrongdoer to admit wrong, feel sorry, make things right, see the light, or anything else in order for the victim to forgive. Any such requirements only interfere with true forgiveness.

The bi-product of forgiveness is our own willingness and ability to forget. If we cannot seem to forget then we have never completely let go. Holding on to pain only weaken us and produces misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battlefield.

When you choose to forgive somebody this does not mean that you acknowledge his or her cruel behaviour as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins others.

Forgiveness begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Inner self. Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either expressing love or feeling a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought. Forgiveness offers freedom to live a full and harmonious life.

Baba emphasises that we must cultivate this sacred quality of forgiveness. This is possible only by developing Love of God. Love is God, live in love. It has no beginning and no end. It is infinite; you cannot fragment it. All spiritual paths are paths of love. The goal is also love. ‘Everything is within you. Do not look outside”.

When we stop looking for love, security and peace outside ourselves, and find it within, the magic of forgiveness works its spell.

                                                                                                             Madhvi  Lamba